Companions
by Goku Girl
Summary: Let's just say that this is a parody of a pretty popular television comedy.


Companions

Hi everyone out there in Dragonlance land. I had never, ever thought of writing a Dragonlance comedy before until I read my first one. It was Raistlin's Inbox by Nineveh. Anyway, I was going to be a traditionalist. You know, stick to the seriousness that is usually Dragonlance. But serious stuff isn't my forté so I was constantly frustrated with my fanfics (A Rift Between Worlds didn't frustrate me until the fifth chapter.). Um, this is getting long so I'll stop now.

Warnings: Completely AU, failing attempt at humor, takes place before Raistlin's Test, bad fusing of twenty-first century things and Krynn. The list goes on.

**Companions  
**(My inane parody of Friends.)

Tika ran to the peephole in the door to the apartment that she and Goldmoon shared. There were some cute guys moving in across the hall and she wanted to get first peek at them.

"What are you doing?" Goldmoon asked as she towled her golden blond hair dry. She had just got out of the shower and while she was fully dressed, her hair took considerably longer to manage.

Without turning around, her roommate motioned toward the door. "Some new people are moving in across the hall."

"Oh." Goldmoon opened the refrigerator door and began to rummage around.

"*Male* people." At this the blond appeared next to her, chicken leg in hand.

"Are they cute?" she asked as she pushed the red head aside slightly. Tika was a little annoyed by this but she let it go.

"Damn cute. Do you think we should go out there and offer to help?"

"You think we should?"

Without answering her, she opened the door and walked out into the hallway.

"Hi! My name's Tika Waylan!" She shook hands with the closest one. He was a tall one with a severe look on his face.

"Sturm Brightblade my lady."

Tika didn't have any idea what to say to this so she just smiled. "Do you guys need any help?" Goldmoon had just finished her food and had emerged from their apartment.

"I couldn't ask beautiful ladies such as you to help bring boxes up the stairs." He didn't smile but nodded slightly. "I need to be going now. It's been nice meeting you." He disappeared down the hallway for more boxes.

"That was... odd," Goldmoon commented. Then she noticed the second roommate walking down the hall. "My name's Goldmoon. I live across the hall." She smiled at him.

Riverwind smiled slightly back and shrugged helplessly. "I would offer to shake your hand but they're full right now."

She laughed. "I see. This is my best-friend and roommate, Tika Waylan."

"Hi."

"Well, if you need anything you know where we live."

Riverwind smiled fully. "Thank you. That's nice."

Goldmoon smiled one more time at him and she and Tika disappeared into their apartment.

***

They had slowly become friends with the men across the hall. In fact, Tika found that she liked Sturm more as a friend than a potential boyfriend. But Goldmoon and Riverwind were an entirely different story.

Whenever the four were at either apartment, the two were all over each other. If it wasn't pet names it was little sappy things that neither Tika or Sturm understood. So they had taken to leaving everytime the other two got together.

On one of their outings (Goldmoon and Riverwind were celebrating that they had known each other for two weeks) they found a small bar that had just opened the previous day so they decided to stop in for something.

"This place is nice," Tika commented as she sat on the plush couch. Sturm nodded in agreement.

"Hopefully their drinks are just as good."

"Hi," the waitress said as she came up to them, "what can I get you?"

Tika began to tell her what she wanted when her eyes widened in shock. "Laurana?"

The blond woman reacted similarly. "Tika?"

Tika stood and they hugged, squealing all the while. Sturm covered his ears and sank down lower in his seat. People were starting to stare.

"I haven't seen you since when? High school?" Tika asked.

"Yes. It's so good to see you!"

Then Tika remembered her other friend. "This embarrassed guy over here is Sturm Brightblade. He lives across the hall in my building."

"Pleased to meet you Sturm. I'm Lauralanthalasa Kanan." He blinked at her trying to absorb her name. "My friends call me Laurana."

"So when did you move to the city?" Tika sat down and asked. Laurana also took a seat, forgetting completely about her job.

"Well, I thought it was time to leave Qualinost and make something of myself. Porthios is a great warrior and Gilthanas is pretty good at magic. So here I am. Last time I checked though, Tanthalas was still there."

"Oh." Tika frowned. "Is he okay? Has he gotten over it?"

Sturm was extremely curious by now. "It? What's wrong with him? Does he have cancer or something?"

"No..." Laurana trailed off, not sure what to say.

"He had this girlfriend a while ago, Kitiara. Well, he found out she was pregnant and we have no idea who the father is. Well, suddenly she just disappeared one day. Poof! No one can find her and everyone thinks that she's dead."

"That's awful!"

"Laurana," said a white bearded dwarf from behind the bar, "you're not on your break! I don't pay you to socialize with the customers you know!"

"Sorry Boss," she apologized profusely. "I have to go. Be right back with your orders."

Laurana did return just as she said. Unfortunately the orders were completely wrong.

"Here's your scotch on the rocks," she handed this to Tika. "And here's your Diet Pepsi."

Tika smiled a thank you and as soon as she left, she and Sturm switched drinks.

"Do you want to make a bet?" she asked him.

He shook his head. "Gambling is wrong."

"Oh? You say that about a lot of stuff. Smoking is wrong, strip clubs are wrong. Hell, you think rated R movies are wrong! Yet you drink alcohol. Don't you see something wrong with this picture?"

He merely shrugged. "So, what about that bet?"

"I bet you fifty steel that I never see that woman again in my life."

He shook her hand. "You have a deal."

***

Somehow Laurana found out where she lived. Tika didn't have any idea how but she was guessing the phone book. Palanthas did have a habit of listing your address and phone number even though you tell them not to. Anyway, early one morning, around four am, someone was ringing her buzzer frantically. Tika forced her eyes open and made it to the intercom.

"Hello? Who is this?"

"It's me," came the sobbing voice below. "I need your help."

The first thing that came to mind when she recognized the voice was that she would now owe Sturm money. Money that she couldn't pay since she still had a week to go for her paycheck and her electricity was about to get cut off. The second thing was that Laurana sounded awful. Tika worked herself up into a panic. Did someone try to hurt her? Was she robbed?

"I'm going to buzz you in and I'll be right there."

Five minutes later she had met her friend in the lobby of the apartment building. Laurana was wiping at her eyes with a tissue.

"Let's go up to my apartment and I'll fix you some tea."

Tika was beyond worried now. Laurana was always a happy person even though her father was rough being the king of Qualinesti and all. But now she was incredibly upset.

"Tika, my father cut me off today. I just got a call from him. It's mid-morning where he is."

She was confused. "What do you mean?"

"He took my name from the credit cards, he said he was going to stop sending me money. Oh gods Tika! I'm broke!" She burst into a fresh round of tears.

"That's it? You woke me up for that?!" Tika was beyond angry.

"Wait a minute!" Laurana said. "I know that wasn't important enough for me to wake you up this early."

"I'm sorry but it wasn't."

"Here's my real problem. By tomorrow I'm not going to have a place to live. The rent's due and I don't make enough at my waitress job to pay it. I just got that job because Father said that I should."

"You don't? Where do you live?"

Laurana mumbled something.

"What?"

"Silver Dragon Square. Top floor penthouse."

"You live in a penthouse in the Square?!" Tika was shocked. "I heard that even the even Gunthar Uth Wistan himself couldn't afford a place there!"

She smiled slightly. "Being a princess has its perks. Can I live with you for a while until I get back on my feet? Please?"

Tika sighed. She really wanted to help her but... "I already have a roommate. Her name's Goldmoon."

"I didn't know. I'm sorry."

"This is just perfect timing," said a voice from across the room, "I didn't know how to tell you that I was moving out."

"What?" Tika jumped to her feet. "Why? You don't like me anymore?"

Goldmoon shook her head. "It's just that Riverwind and I get along so well we were going to move in together. Now you don't have to be lonely!" She smiled at Laurana. "I'm Goldmoon though you probably already know by now."

"I'll start moving this afternoon," Laurana grinned. "We're well on our way to becoming reacquainted Tika and Goldmoon, we're well on our way to becoming friends."

***

They had just brought all of Laurana's boxes upstairs (Goldmoon had moved out that morning into a nice place across the street.) when they suddenly heard this loud pounding sound from the floor.

"What's that?" Riverwind asked.

"It's just some weird guy in the apartment below us," Tika said. "He always thinks that we're causing too much noise. He says he's trying to study or something."

"He goes to school?" She nodded. "What's his major?"

"Magic. He's a red robe."

Sturm began to sputter. He himself was training to become a full fledged knight. "A mage! How foul! And one step away from evil!" He could tolerate a white robe. They were at least aligned to the same gods as he. But a red robe!

Then they heard the pounding sound again. "We're being quiet! Gods!" Tika shouted up at him. She stomped her feet on the floor to irritate him. Three more pounds got him Tika, Goldmoon, and Laurana stomping their feet on the floor. Then everything got quiet.

Tika smiled. "I think we did it! We finally won!"

Sturm shook his head. "Every time I visit my friends, I will not put up with this!" He frowned and marched through the door. "I'm going down there!" Everyone looked at each other for a second then took off after him.

They caught up with him on the stairs.

"You don't even know what apartment he's in!" Tika said to him, trying to calm him down.

"I will knock on every single door on the same side as your apartment if I have to. There will be justice!"

They all knew that Sturm was dedicated to honor and chivalry but this was too much. "Don't bother all these people, I'll show you which one."

She walked over to 2F and knocked on the door. It was opened by a man that looking almost nothing like the one she had spoke to before. He was tall and handsome with brown hair and blue eyes and he had a pretty charming smile.

"Hi, my name's Tika Waylan," she said smiling.

"I'm Caramon Majere." Then he waited for her to say something since she was the one that knocked.

"Oh, um my friends and I were upstairs and there was this loud banging noise..."

"I know what you're talking about. Raist! Someone wants to speak with you!" Someone just as tall as Caramon but incredibly thin came to the door with an irritated look on his face.

"What do you want with me?"

"Can you please stop doing whatever it is you do to hit the celing? It's getting rather annoying." Laurana told him.

"I'm annoying you?" He gave them a look that clearly said that he couldn't believe this. "I'm trying to study to become a great wizard and you constantly disturb me by keeping up your loud noise! By the way, it was a broom."

"Look Raist," Sturm said. His glare stopped him cold.

"My name is Raistlin."

"Look Raistlin, I'm sorry that we disturbed you and all but you're being awfully rude to my friend."

"Yeah Raist," Caramon piped up from inside their apartment. "That *was* rude."

"This is none of your concern, my brother."

"Brother?" Riverwind repeated. It was the first thing he had said since they had been down there.

"Yes brother," Raistlin said irritably. "We are twins."

"I would have never believed it if you hadn't just said it," Goldmoon commented.

"Let's make a deal." Laurana said eager to just leave and unpack her things. "You let just a little bit more noise bother you and we'll try to be quiet. If you have a problem, please come upstairs to apartment 3F and just tell us alright?"

He nodded. "That's a fair deal I suppose."

"Good, mage." Sturm said with barely controlled hostility. "I'm glad we cleared this up."

The door clicked shut in response and they returned to the apartment upstairs.

***

It was raining the day Tanthalas came to town. The half-elf had been looking far and wide for Kitiara and she couldn't be found anywhere so Palanthas was the last city on Krynn to look in so he came.

Laurana was in the marketplace to buy the groceries since it was her turn and she had waited until the last moment. In fact, that very morning Tika had opened the fridge and it was completely empty. After fuming a bit, she woke Laurana and demanded that she go shopping. So here she was in a crowded marketplace on a rainy day with a whole bunch of other people who seem to have waited until the last minute as well because everyone was pushing and shoving and haggling like crazy.

Squeezing between to burly looking warriors, she reached for an apple that wasn't bruised like the rest. Just as her hand was about an inch from it another hand with long thing fingers took it from the pile. Now normally Laurana was a nice person and was able to let little things like that go, but today she was in a horrible mood. So once again pushing to the back of the crowd, she looked around for the owner of that hand.

"Come back here with my apple!" She shouted to a tall, thin man with reddish-brown hair and a beard that was walking away from her. He turned around slighly and it infuriated her to see that he was actually eating that perfect apple. *Her* perfect apple.

"Miss, what's wrong?" He asked her with a confused look.

"I was reaching for that apple first and you just took it from me and all the other ones are bruised and everything." Then she just started crying and couldn't stop. "Ti-ka woke me up this mor-ning and made me go shop-ping, my fa-ther practically dis-owned me, I can't pay my half of the rent...." She trailed off while scrubbing at her eyes. "It's horrible!"

"There now," The man put a finger underneath her chin and lifted her head up. "It's not so bad. The sun's coming out to shine and I'll help find you another app..." He trailed off. "Laurana?"

She blinked and squinted as she looked hard at his face. "Tanthalas?"

He smiled a little sadly. "It's Tanis now, Laurana. Have to blend in with the humans."

She laughed and hugged him hard. "I've missed you! Tika asked about you!" Then she hit him on the arm.

"Ow! What was that for?"

She smiled a little. "I'm still mad at you for eating my apple. Do you want to come home with me? Why are you here anyway?"

"I was hoping Kitiara had come this way."

She sighed. "Oh Tanth-Tanis. I don't think she's ever coming back."

Tanis also sighed. "I can always hope. Anyway, I heard Solostaran cut you off."

"Is it all over Qualinost or something? I can't believe you know. I haven't even seen you for at least two years."

"Well, pretty much everyone knows. Porthios was talking about it a lot saying that his 'little sister has finally decided to grow up'."

She groaned loudly as they walked down the wide street towards the apartment. "He can't keep his mouth shut for anything."

***

There was another new neighbor in the building, this time apartment 4B. He was a tiny little fellow, unfortunately a kender, and there was a notice on the public bulletin board that plainly said to always keep your doors locked tighly from now on.

"Hullo! My name's Tasslehoff Burrfoot of the Kendermore Burrfoots." He chirped early one morning after his knock on Sturm's door was answered. "I was wondering if I could borrow a cup of sugar..."

Sturm grunted. "No."

"Okay then. I'll be going." Tas began to walk away when he suddenly stopped. He dug around in a pocket and pulled out something. "Here's your housekeys. You lost them and I thought you might want them back."

Sturm looked at the keys in Tasslehoff's hands to the ones he used to have hanging on a nail next to the door. He continued to look back and forth until he groaned loudly and snatched them from Tas and slamming the door in his face. "Kender!" His shout was muffled by the door.

Tas merely shook his head. "He forgot to thank me."

***

Tanis didn't want to wake Laurana or Tika up since both of them were extremely grumpy in the morning. He was currently staying in a hotel and was seriously considering giving up on Kit like Laurana had suggested. If Kit had wanted to see him, she would have found him by now.

So Tanis stood between the inner and outer doors of the the apartment building in early morning debating whether or not to ring apartment 3F's buzzer when Tasslehoff stopped in front of the glass doors.

"Hey! Do you want to come inside?" he called.

Tanis nodded. "Yes. I didn't want to wake my friends."

Tas opened the door for him. "Hullo! My name's Tasslehoff Burrfoot."

He smiled at him. "I'm Tanis Half-Elven."

"Ooh! A real live elf! Can I see your ears? I don't think there are any elves in this building. Mostly humans. My Trapspringer had a elf that was his best-friend once but he died because a red dragon ate him." Tas chattered on and on while he followed him up the stairs and to the third floor. Tanis knocked on the door and hoped that Tika wouldn't kill him.

"Who are you?" A female voice asked from the direction of the stairs. Tanis turned and saw a blond woman standing just behind him.

"Hello. I'm Laurana's friend from Qualinost. My name is Tanis."

"Tanis? Oh! You're Tanthalas!" Goldmoon smiled. "I'm Goldmoon, Tika's old roommate. You know, I never understood how you knew Tika. I thought that there weren't many humans in Qualinesti. Wait, aren't you human too? But Tanthalas is an elven name...." she trailed off, clearly confused.

"I'm a half-elf, see?" He moved his long hair and showed her his ears. "Tika and Laurana went to the same high school. It was a snooty prep school in Solamnia. Solostaran sent Laurana there to teach her how to act properly. She was a little tomboyish you know. Tika was sent there for basically the same reason. They met and became friends. When I came to get her one year for summer break, she introduced us. Laurana's like a little sister to me."

"I didn't know that Tanis!" A high-pitched voice piped up. They had both forgotten that Tas was still even there.

The door opened and before they even entered, Tika was halfway across the kitchen/living room going toward her bedroom. "I'm going back to sleep. Make yourself at home. Goldmoon, you know where everything is."

That's when the pounding began.

"Not now!" Tika complained. "Raistlin needs to stop. We're being quiet!"

Laurana stomped from her room a sword in her hand. She had on a pale blue robe, a green face mask, and her hair was in curlers. "I'm going to kill him."

"Stop!" Tika grabbed her arm and tried to pry the short sword out of it. "He's annoying I know but that's not a good reason to kill him!"

At length she slowly lowered her arm and went over to pout on the couch. "If he wakes me up one more time..."

The pouding on the floor had mercifully stopped a few minutes ago but now there was a pounding at their front door. Tasslehoff, who was the closest to it, opened it to admit a disgruntled red robed mage.

"How many times must I tell you to stop with the noise?" He glared at all of them. "I ignored most of it like the girl in the face mask suggested but then it became worse."

"Wow!" Tasslehoff exclaimed. "You're a mage! Can I touch your robes?" His hand snaked toward them even before Raistlin answered. The irate magi slapped his small hand away but had to grab his wrist to retrieve a pouch that contained his spell components.

"You people are insane," he muttered almost to himself as he once again placed the pouch onto his belt. "I don't want to have anything else to do with you!"

"Come now Raistlin," Tanis said to him, "we're not all bad people and Tasslehoff here is just being a kender. He can't help that either. Can't we all just be friends?" He looked as hopeful as Laurana looked annoyed.

"Yes Raistlin. You look as if you could be a nice person if you wanted to be." Goldmoon added.

He looked a bit surprised. "You actually want to be my friends? That honor is usually reserved only for my oafish brother."

The blond on the couch slowly began to stop looking so irritated. "You've never had a friend?"

He shook his head. "Never. But I really don't need any. They'll be a distraction from my magic."

Someone finally closed the still open door and Tanis steered Raistlin over to sit next to Laurana. "Let's have a talk." Tas, Tika, and Goldmoon all gathered around him eager to hear what he was going to say.

"I think you just say that so it won't hurt so bad," Goldmoon said. "Deep down inside you probably really want a few friends to talk to. You seem so lonely."

He shook his head and said a little bitterly. "I'm not lonely. Not with Caramon watching over his baby brother every second like a mother hen. I'm sure you've noticed that I'm not very strong or healthy while Caramon got the strength and none of the brains. I was just born that way just as he was born the way he is. There's nothing I can do about it."

As he lapsed into silence, there was a knock on the door once again.

Tika stood to answer it. "I think that's Caramon." And of course it was.

"Raist, are you alright? When you didn't come back downstairs I thought you got hurt or something!"

"You're his brother?" Tasslehoff asked loudly. "You sort of look like him I guess."

Tanis instantly covered his mouth. "Tas, hush."

"I'm fine Caramon," he said with no hostility, just weariness. "I have to leave now, my friends." He smiled slightly at the last part. "I have an early class today."

"Goodbye Raistlin!" Tas was smiling from pointed ear to pointed ear. "See you later!"

Raistlin looked a little disturbed by his last remark but didn't say anything. He bowed slightly to them all and departed. Sturm passed him in the doorway and pressed back into the doorjamb just so he wouldn't have to touch him. The mage shot him a cruel smile and reached his left hand into his pocket.

Sturm paled and rushed inside of the apartment just as Raistlin pulled out a handkerchief and blew his nose.

"Farewell, Sir Knight." He mocked before he disappeared.

Sturm turned to find everyone in the room trying not to laugh at him. "It's not funny. I don't trust him."

"By the way Sturm," Tika said. "This is Tanis Half-Elven, a friend of Laurana's from Qualinost, and..." She trailed off looking at Tasslehoff.

"Tasslehoff Burfoot," He spoke up. "Are you a real knight? My Uncle Trapspringer was just about to become a knight once and..." Tanis covered his mouth again.

"Tas, we need to have a long talk about your chatter problem." The little kender said something to the extent of 'What problem?'

"We unfortunately met before," he said about Tas. "He wanted to borrow some sugar from me and almost stole my keys."

"You lost them!" Tas protested as Tanis relaxed his hand thinking that he was finished talking. "I was just giving them back. I'm not a theif, honest!"

Sturm looked as if he wanted to say something more and Tanis smiled at him. "We believe you Tas. We know you're not."

"What was Raistlin doing here anyway?" He chose his words carefully since he had no problem with Caramon. "I thought he didn't like us."

"It's a long story," Tika sighed. "One that involves the broom again and Laurana with murderous intent."

He took Raistlin's now vacant seat. "Glad I wasn't here then."

***

Later that night, they all went to the bar (that they found out was named Dwarf's Beard Tavern) and Laurana waited on them as usual. And also as usual, she got the orders completely mixed up. The owner (who's name they discovered was Flint Fireforge), continuously yelled at Laurana to stop conversating and start earning her pay.

Around the third time everyone had to switch drinks, the door opened and this dark haired figure dressed in all black that included a black cloak, took a seat at the bar. The companions stopped talked and just snuck glances at the newcomer.

"Do you think they're aligned with Takhisis?" Sturm whispered to them.

Raistlin frowned. "Why concern yourself with such things, Sir Knight in Training?" He had just recently added that last part on. It made the Solamnic man angry. "A person's a person."

"You would say that seeing as you're one step away from evil yourself." he answered with a snarl.

"Now just stop it," Tanis said, always the mediator. "You two can't go anywhere without getting into at least one argument. You should be friendly like Caramon here, right?"

The big warrior wasn't even paying attention, instead he was watching a woman walk across the room toward the exit.

"Right?" He elbowed him.

He blinked as if coming out of a trance. "What was the question again?" Everyone hid smiles in their various drinks.

"I hate this job!" Laurana huffed as she sat down next to Tanis on the couch, tray in her lap. "Flint is just working me hard because he hates me."

"I'm sure that's not the reason," the other blond of the group said to her. "Maybe he thinks that you have potential."

The princess shook her head. "No, that can't be it. I'm terrible at this job."

Tika exhaled in relief. "I'm so glad that you noticed! I thought you were terrible on an accident."

She rolled her eyes. "Anyway, I'm going home to beg Father to give me my money back. I can't stand working like this. I can't handle working like this!"

"You can't do that," Tanis said, "Gilthanas and Porthios would never let you hear the end of it. Look at yourself, you're on your own and making your own way, barely." He added the last part under his breath. "Both of your brothers are still living in the speaker's house. You aren't. That makes you better than they are."

She smiled slowly. "Yeah, you're right. I'm the good child. I'm the child that he's proud of. But I can't work here anymore, I have to do something that I love instead." She stood and walked slowly over to the dwarf behind the bar. "Flint, I give you my week's notice. I quit."

He grumbled a bit before he said anything. "Sorry to see you go, lass. You really were getting better."

"Flint, you don't need to say that to make me feel good."

He grinned. "Alright, you were as bad as you were when I first hired you. But I am sorry to see you go." He turned to get a drink for another customer when this loud, groaning sound caught the attention of everyone within a twenty-foot radius from the bar. It was that stranger in black that had come in. He sounded as if he were dying.

"Are you okay?" Flint asked them. He really didn't want someone dying in his bar and giving it a bad reputation.

"No I am not okay," the person (who turned out to be female) snapped right before another groaned hit her. "You wouldn't be either if you had a baby coming out of you."

"A baby?!" Flint cried out in surprise. "Why were you drinking and pregnant with a baby?"

"Because I felt like it," she hauled herself to her feet. "Now is someone going to help me or am I going to have to walk to the hospital by myself?"

Tanis rushed over to help her to the couch. "You need to just lay down and take it easy. Everything is going to be just fine." He began to remove her cloak so that she wouldn't get tangled in it. Suddenly it fluttered silently to the floor from his slack hands. "Kitiara?"

She blinked at him. "Do I know you?"

"Kit, where have you been?" Caramon asked curiously. He looked at her swollen abdomen. "*Who* have you been with?"

She suddenly became preoccupied with examining the ceiling.

"Dear older sister, it looks as if you're in a little trouble," Raistlin calmly stated. "Who's the baby's father? Is it Half-Elven?"

Tanis blushed. "Um..." Then he quickly tried to change the subject. Grabbing Kit's hand gently, he began to talk to her. "Where have you gone? I went out searching for you..."

She opened her mouth to answer when another wave of pain hit her. Her hand closed tighly on Tanis' reflexively and he winced in pain.

"I see you're still incredibly strong." he grunted out as he tried to free himself. "In fact, I think you're crushing my hand!"

She abruptly released him. "Sorry about that but you have no idea how much pain I'm in."

"I'm confused about something," Tika said. "Kitiara's Raistlin and Caramon's sister?"

"*Half* sister. Mother's side," Raistlin corrected. "Breathe Kit. Focus on something other than the pain."

"Alright," she groaned. "I'll focus on how much I hate this brat's father!"

Tanis flinched. "I didn't do anything!"

"Not you," she said to him. "You're not the father."

He breathed a sign of relief. "That's good. I mean, I haven't even slept with you."

There was a moment of silence before Tas broke it. "Then how could you be the father, Tanis?"

"I know it's not possible but for a minute there she scared me," he laid his hand on hers and instantly moved it when he saw a wave of pain approaching. It was still smarting from the first one.

"Someone had better explain the facts of life to him," Raistlin remarked even as he counted the seconds between each contraction. "He seems a bit confused."

Flint rushed over twisting the bar rag in his hands. "A midwife is on her way. Just hold that kid in!"

She glared at him. "If I could, do you think I would be laying here right now?!"

"Where's Sturm?" Caramon asked suddenly. "He just disappeared all of a sudden."

Raistlin chuckled softly. "Maybe Sir Knight in Training has a weak stomach."

Kit growled low in her throat. "That idiot can't even stay here to whitness his own child being born!"

There was a stunned silence. It seemed everything quieted in shock to her words.

"Son?" Tika asked. "Sturm, the man who doesn't even jaywalk, has a child born out of wedlock?"

"About to have, he isn't born yet. And believe me, it was an accident." Kit said. "I mean, we got drunk and one thing led to another... You know how it is."

"Alright, Kit, you need to push now." Raistlin told her. "At least Brightblade isn't my brother-in-law. I couldn't stand that."

"Kitiara Uth Matar," she grunted with the effort of her pushing, "will be slave to no man!"

Tanis' expression became saddened but no one noticed over the cries of Kit's newborn son.

***

"So what are you going to name him?" Caramon asked a few hours later in his sister's hospital room.

Kitiara pretended to think about it and then smirked. "Steel."

He was confused. "Why Steel?"

"It's a name pun, Caramon. You know that's Sturm's surname is Brightblade, right? Steel Brightblade. Think about it for a moment." So he did and still didn't get it.

Tanis leaned against the wall just outside the room lost in a sea of depression. While his rational mind said that a permanent relationship between he and Kitiara would have never worked out, it was still heartbreaking to here her speak that way.

Looking down the hallway, he saw Sturm coming towards him with his head hanging down.

"Hi," Tanis said quietly to him. "How are you feeling?"

The other man looked at him. "Not good. This is terrible! Now I can never be a Knight of Solamnia."

Tanis knew it was a shock but he spoke as if it ruined him for the rest of his life. "Aren't you exagerrating just a bit?"

He shook his head. "I have disgraced my family by not marrying her. I am not fit to hold the Brightblade name."

Even though he's only know him for less than a week, he felt compelled to comfort him. "That's what they want you to believe."

Sturm blinked in confusion. "Excuse me?"

"Yes. The Knighthood is making you feel terrible about yourself, aren't they? But on the bright side, you can do your best to take care of your son and make your family proud some other way."

"Take care of my son? By myself?!"

Tanis looked away quickly. "Well, um, Kit said that she wasn't having anything to do with her son so she's leaving him in your care. She said that she has things to take care of around Sanction."

"She would do something like that," he said sourly. "But I won't let..." he trailed off. "What's his name?"

"Steel."

Sturm groaned. "Kitiara is also the type of person to ruin someone's life by naming him that! Anyway, I won't let Steel be parentless. Besides, growing up in her influence can't be good."

"Raistlin and Caramon did it."

He frowned. "You see how she corrupted one of them?"

Little Steel began to cry from inside of the hospital room. They both heard Kit's voice loud and clear from out in the hallway.

"What's wrong with him now? I already fed him and he's still crying!"

"Give him to me," Raistlin said. "Here's the problem, he needs a diaper change."

"Go ahead Raistlin," Kit said, clearly not wanted to lift a finger to help. "Do the honors."

Sturm rushed inside the room. "I won't have that mage changing my son's diapers!"

"Oh come on!" Kit said. "Raistlin's his uncle!"

Sturm would hear none of it. He took the baby from Raistlin and lay him down in the crib they brought him down in. Then he just stood there.

"What's wrong?"

"I have no idea how to do this."

Raistlin smirked and elbowed him aside. "Then I suggest that you pay attention, Sir Knight in Training. First you remove the old diaper," He unpinned it and put it aside. "Then you wipe him." He grabbed a wipe from their contained and did so. "Then you pace a clean one underneath and use a little baby powder. After that just fold it up and pin it into place."

Caramon was impressed. "How did you learn how to do this, Raist?"

"In school they make all students take classes to study society and its behavior. Family Planning was the first one I took." He picked up the baby and handed him to Sturm. "If you forget, Kitiara knows the basics of childcare."

"The basics?" she said. "I had to take care of both you and Caramon for Mother. I think I know *all* about childcare. As soon as they let me out of here, I'm giving you custody." she said to Sturm. "I don't have time for a brat."

"His name is Steel, use it." he said sternly. "I will raise him, Kitara, and I hope that I you're never around long enough to corrupt him." He took his son from her. The baby blinked at him and promptly spit up. He hiccupped a little and then cooed.

Everyone laughed. "Even though he just did that," Caramon said handing him a towel, "I still think he's cute."

Sturm smiled. "You're right."

Thus ends my fanfic, I hope that it wasn't too painful for you. I could continue it (and I want to!) but I have so many other ones to finsh at the moment. Maybe some other time.


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